I am back in Singapore again.

My closest auntie has just passed away. I regret not calling her before i left, like i always do before i leave for aussie. Why didn't i just do it this time? Why didn't i call her on Sunday morning just before i left? (which just happened to be the time she passed out and was sent to the hospital) I hate myself for taking things for granted...for telling myself i will call her when i get to aussie.

What should i do with the pineapple tarts and butter cookies left over from cny that she made for me? All i can do now is hold the damn containers close to me and just cry like a fucking fool.

After going to aussie, i admit i have neglected many people, among them my dearest auntie. I always tell myself that when i finally graduate to be a vet and earn some decent money, i will make sure a part of my monthly income goes to her. But what now? Even if i made a fucking million bucks, she will never ever be around again. What about the roasted suckling pig i'm gonna send to her place when i get married? What about the seat that has already been reserved for her at the red table when i get married? What about....? What about the jokes that she made about following me to my farm practicals so that i will never be starved by the farmers again? What about the kueh lapis she promised to teach me to bake? What about...?

What about all that i've owed her that i have yet to repay?

Caroline told me that she passed away in peace...no pain, no struggle. I believe that at this moment, she has already been reunited with the Lord...as well as my deceased uncle.

"'I've just framed up the photo which we took together last year and i'll be bringing the memories of us back to australia with me, though still with the guilt that i was a wretch not to have made that last phone call to you......rest in peace. I will definitely miss you...."

Everyone, anyone...please pray for her soul.