I guess i've never really been an indecisive person but apparently i am stuck at the crossroads now. Everything is on a hiatus too - my gymming, my diet plan, my demo plan and some other personal stuff...i think i need to seriously rethink a lot of things and come to a conclusion soon...somehow. Everything seems pretty disconcerted at this moment...but then again, not that anything was ever in place before. What do you do with problems that can't be solved? Apparently my answer is always to screw it. Since some things are inherently unsolvable, what good is it fretting and worrying, going off food and losing sleep over it? Yes, i do pray when i'm desperate....what a scoundrel but who isn't?

I'm starting to get disillusioned. Maybe it's just the whole mood...of things not going right. I feel the need to do something drastic...maybe chop my hair off? But then again, my hair has been my loyal companion for so long and i don't think i can bear not having it, especially when it's so long and dead straight now. I think i feel safer with my hair for some reason....and slightly more attractive (maybe it's jus the blatant fact that i have a fat face and short hair will just accentuate that). Anyway, i can't believe that by the end of this semester, i'll be graduating from my second degree already. Am i really crazy about studying? I don't think so. It will seem pretty dumb if i just discontinue my vet studies after this year, but that may be one of the decisions that i'll have to make. Or maybe i should just take the well-deserved one year break that i've always wanted...since things have changed a little now and it probably wouldn't make a difference even if i ended up finishing my degree at 40. But mum and dad are getting old....don't think both of them have been in good shape lately and i'm worried....scared at times....it's a huge responsibility on me although i'm not complaining at all. Feel bad that i'm still living off them although i know they want the best for me.....someone told me that i should take it that my parents are investing on me for better returns next time. It's a pretty crude way to see things, and i don't think that's how they see it...but nevertheless i hope i eventually reap some profits in for them.

Found out that the vet that killed my dog is actually from Murdoch. Another disgrace. It is getting more and more obvious to me that he caused my dog's death due to negligence on his part. I used to think that maybe he caused it indirectly...but with more knowledge now, i think it was a brutal murder. And my hamster too. Whoever said that hamsters can't be anaesthetized? We were just talking in class today about administering inhalent type anaesthetics on rats and mice to remove tumours or perform surgery...i wish my winter white wouldn't have been euthanased just like that. He was such a good pet though.....

I am thinking of getting a rat/mouse. Last week's pract really crapped me out because we had to catch mice and rats and just expand our comfort zones with these rodents. Besides hamsters, i find all rodents very uncomfortable to be with. The mice were total nightmares because by the end of the class, 3/4 of the class had their hands sprayed with antiseptics and had bandaids all over. I was lucky because i had hamsters and i kinda knew how to scruff them by the neck....especially the really vicious ones i had before haha. There are so many things i wanna get at the moment but i'm just not prepared to fork out any more cash on unnecessary things.

I want:
1)a mouse/rat (something that has a tail and can be variably vicious).
2)a black cotton peasant skirt (not too fluffy or lacy...just plain layered kind).
3)a holiday to somewhere nice.
4)various CDs (hopefully i can find less pricey 2nd hand ones).
5)my own car.
6)vouchers/entry of some sort to boxercise/step classes when i go back to sg.