Jetted back to aussie yesterday morning. The plane touched down at 630am and i was off to school for my first lecture at 830am. I tried to keep awake but ended up dozing off and scribbling nonsense on my notes (i wrote: "parent".."disinfectant" and "10%" for some reason although the lecture was about analgesia and pain medication).

I feel lost and helpless, being all alone again. I miss daniel a lot and the thought of him is unbearably painful. I miss my family too, but i believe that God was good enough to have let me see my newborn niece before i left for aussie. Called sis in the afternoon and found out that little Tiffanie has jaundice at the moment and has to return to the hospital this afternoon to have her blood tested. I am worried and it doesn't feel good being trapped here, having only the telephone as my only way to keep in contact with them.

6 more weekends (dan, it's 6 not 5 sigh) and i'll be back in singapore again, but before that i still have my exams to battle with though i really can't care less now. I have an insane urge to quit school after this semester but i know that's not feasible. 2 more years seem like a short time to finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of being a vet...after all, i've already been here for a good 2 and a half years. Yet at the same time, 2 years seem awfully long...being all alone here and leaving my family and especially dan behind. Maybe it's due to the fact that little Tiffanie's birth really overwhelmed me. Just being around her, sis and everyone else made me realise how precious life, relationships and bonds between humans are. Life can be so beautiful, if we allow it to be. I have wasted too much time wallowing in bad memories, being distrusting, being just a pain to people, simply because i didn't allow myself to believe in love and life. I feel so lucky to have been part of this experience....seeing Tony and my sis being in this together.....seeing how everyone showered their love and concern on sis and Tiffanie....even watching dan gently stroke the baby's back was an experience for me. Suddenly i came to believe that everyone was born good, just that the world marred the good in us and we became evil, ugly and unfeeling. Maybe babies are god's angels to bring out whatever goodness we've lost through time? Well at least for me, i want to be a better person now and i thank my little angel for that.