On Anger.

Expressing one's anger can be either constructive or destructive. Someone told me that i am not assertive enough when it comes to voicing my displeasure. Another said that i get too pissed off and bitchy that nothing gets resolved. I rather not be put under all this scrutiny these days. I prefer to just keep quiet and live behind my happy-face mask. Either that, or just pure nonchalence. If you have seen me getting angry at anyone these days, it must have been a result of the slush fund that has built up between me and the other party.

I read about the concept of the "slush fund" in a self-help book recently. Pent up frustration, unexpressed anger and suppressed feelings, all contribute to this invisible slush fund. When the cesspool can no longer contain anymore emotional sewage, that is when a person breaks down or flares up. I think i am going through such a phase now. For awhile, i believed that it is possible not to let anyone affect your actions. What someone else does to you is their business. You can either choose to ignore any negative vibes or simply react to it. I started becoming less reactive than i used to be, not because i don't care but because negativity will only breed more negativity. I thought i mellowed down for awhile but i guess i am still human after all. Now, my emotional cesspool has finally been filled to the brim.

There is a limit to everyone's patience. I am not a saint and i can't find excuses for people all the time. However much someone doesn't mean to hurt you, getting slammed time and again isn't really a pleasant feeling. In the past, i try to overlook the shit, but i don't see the point in doing that anymore. The shit still happens and at the end of the day, i am the one to pocket more scum into my own slush fund. Blabber blabber blabber.......

Blabbering is therapeutic to the blabberer though it can be highly irritating for whoever's being put through it.