I finally performed my first ever surgery today. After 6 whooping hours, my hands are trembling now and my back is aching, but everything was definitely worth it. In case anyone is interested, i performed a gastrotomy (which is basically a surgical incision into the stomach) and an enterectomy (a surgical excision of part of the intestine). A couple of boo-boos occurred here and there but i'm still pretty pleased with myself and i must admit i am getting the hang of suturing. I always liked sewing and cross-stitching last time so i guess the skills which i stashed away years ago have come in pretty handy today!! I finally feel like a doctor man....and yes i salute each and every surgeon...having to be on their feet and being focused for such a long period of time. What's worse is in order to maintain sterility, you have to curb yourself from reflex actions like scratching or even putting your hands below waist level (which is supposed to be "contaminated field"). I'm dead tired now but like i said...it's all worth it!

Not that i didn't know, but i realise, yet again, how selfish and competitive people can get. I'm already used to it so i don't even bother feeling angry. I've never really been close enough to anyone to even be disappointed in anyone (does that make sense?). I just let everyone do whatever they like. I don't give a flying f at all because at the end of the day, i know the only person(s) i can depend on is myself (yeah you too, and people i love).

The world gets very strange sometimes. I find myself filled with ambivalence all the time. Do i think everything is ok? Yes i do but i don't look like it. Sometimes i don't even know what i'm trying to convey. Anyway, for people who haven't heard the news yet, i'm not going home at the end of April. After much contemplation (and some deterrent from mum, dad and the school), i've decided to cancel the trip back home. The latest email from school states that i'm not allowed to return to school for 14 days even if i produce a medical certificate stating my sars-free status. I can't possible quarantine myself for that long a period because i can't afford to miss school for that long (not just for myself, but for group efforts like surgery and rotation). Oh well, guess i'll see y'all later?