I have to be strong, no matter how tough things look at the moment. I feel down and unsure. Sis always tells me that whatever happens, He will have a plan for me. I wish i can choose what plan it is, but if i were to be able to, it wouldn't be His plan. I'm struggling to study for my semester finals. 7 papers....that's madness. Any screw ups this year and i'll be out. Dad says it's ok and i can come back now if i want to. I told him i regret making the decision of coming here and thinking i would make it through. In retrospection, i feel like an imbecile. What made me think i could have made it? I feel sorry for Daniel too. It's already been 3 years. What made me think he would wait for me? I feel like packing my bags and going home for good now.

I can't bear to call home because everything Dad and Mum says always makes me cry. About how they would support me no matter what...about how they wanna fly to Aussie now to take care of me....about how even if i fucked up it's ok. It's always ok. It's never NOT ok. I feel undeserving towards all this. I'm half fucked in everything. I'm not good at anything. I feel inadequate and small. I feel like being someone else.

Dad told me to always rely on Him and not just myself. I laughed when he said that and he thought i didn't believe him. It wasn't that. I laughed because that was exactly what i believed in. I guess only a higher power can resolve this craziness, my insecurity, my inadequacy and my half fucked life. Please pray for me yah? I'll be eternally grateful.