Yeah yeah, i'm online again.

Although i was dead beat last night, i suffered from insomnia again. Sigh. This feeling is not good. I am obsessively stuck to the computer because i need to see my results soon. It's not a good feeling at all, not at all. It feels almost like i've been dumped by dan, and here i am checking my mail ever so often, in the hope that he'll perhaps email me and tell me otherwise. I can't explain the feeling. It's almost like a huge boulder is about to be expulse from my mouth, yet in order not to worry anyone, i keep trying to swallow what's obviously too hard to swallow. I feel so sick in the stomach now.

Maybe it's better to be a dog. Chester ripped up the whole house this morning. Actually, he ripped dad's shoes and all his flowers, but kept my stuff intact. Strangely, Chester has a weird fetish for the plastic flowers that dad made. Dad keeps saying Chester is being revengeful because he was ticked off for misbehaving before dad went out, and hence took the opportunity to "take revenge" while dad went out. I keep explaining to dad that dogs really don't have such complex feelings like revenge, scorn, envy etc. I mean, yes of course they have feelings, but i think they're angels all in all. Even if they were to fight another animal to death, it's all due to their animal instincts which dictates that their being is simply to gather enough resources and procreate. Nothing as malicious as human beings. Nothing as malicious as the SAMS lecturers that were out to boot us out of vet school.

I don't even feel like celebrating cny at all. What's there to celebrate? I feel like just staying at home and not visiting at all, but i know that's highly impossible. I'm away in Aussie most of the time, and i feel i'm letting some of my rellies down if i don't turn up for visiting. It's weird to say this (and a little thick-skinned), but i don't want to disappoint the aunties and cousins and nephews that have missed me and have constantly been asking about me while i'm away. Sigh.

I miss my little matiz. I was just riding in dan's car last night and i was just thinking how nice it'll be if i can just drive down the freeway like i always do in aussie when i'm down. I love the silence of the night there. There's virtually no one on the road after 8? Or even 730? Speeding on a freeway really does cast away some of my unhappiness. Maybe i really do possess the spirit of the horse, having the thirst for running freely and unleashed (okay, i sound like i'm Chester now). I always liked horses, they just run when they want to. And when they do, you just can't stop them. The teachers in Murdoch used to tell us that to stop a galloping horse, just rush in front of them and raise your hands up high to startle them and they will automatically stop. Eh sorry 'cher, i listened to you and i nearly got killed by a stallion. Anyway, i was saying, about riding in dan's car. Looking at the cars whiz by actually excites me a little. I can imagine myself zipping in and out and cutting into other people's lanes already. I better remind myself this is Singapore and there ARE road hogs and taxi drivers. See, even talking about cutting into people's lanes cheered me up a little. I really am a true blue Singaporean.

Right now, i'd love to strangle Dr. Clive. Stupid gay surgeon. To think i really respected you and now you've single-handedly plotted my downfall. I don't have so many 26Ks to spend a year. It's not even MY money. Argh. I wish this is all a bad dream.

I'm so pissed i feel like doing something radical to myself. Maybe i'll just chop all my hair off. Eh cutting my hair IS radical to me because i seldom do that. Or maybe i'll just rebond my hair and look like EVERY woman on the mrt and EVERY salesgirl in metro. Argh.

Okay, just WHY am i ranting on and on? Sigh.