C Is For......(Part I)

1. C is for CHESTER:

We watched this Italian show on SBS last night and ended up overwhelmed and teary. No, it's not some melodramatic soap opera. It was a show about a "smart and handsome border collie who works for the Italian police", and "together with his owner partner, Police Inspector Luca Sepe, he solves the toughest crimes, like his Austrian counterpart, Inspector Rex". (See SBS tv guide)

We miss you, Chester! Dad even dreamt of him 2 nights ago and appeared to be quite upset when we watched Turbo in action last night. Catch "Turbo - Crime On The Web" or "Inspector Rex" on SBS if you're into clever (C is for CLEVER! Yeeeehah!) dogs. Don't ask me what time or when. For Shih-tzu/Maltese/small-silly-dog-that-barks-too-much lovers, please watch "Funniest Home Video".

Anyway, i thought it'd be funny if Chester and Turbo met. Imagine this:

Turbo: Hi, i'm Sun Shonik and i play Turbo in "Turbo - Crime On The Web". As you can see, i'm SMART and HANDSOME and i've solved the TOUGHEST crimes. I'm the hottest doggy hero at the moment! I despise Border Collies that do nothing all day but sleep in air-conditioned rooms, chase tennis balls and chew rawhide bones. However, the WORST of the lot is those ugly non-Itaaaliiaaan ones that pale in comparison to me. Do i smell one here? *sniffs sniffs*

--- * ---

Chester: Urrhmm. Hello!! *still wagging tail like a madcap* Who's ugly? Me? Mummy always says i'm handsome!! You think so? I wanna be friends with you, but you sound a bit strange. I thought all Border Collies are born to sleep in air-con rooms, chase tennis balls and chew rawhide bones. You don't like?

I heard Mummy calling some guy ego-maniac and MC Pee that day. Are you an ego-maniac or MC Pee? Do you know what an MC Pee is then? I think MC Pee must be that musician boyfriend of hers that plays music i don't like, like MC Hammer's music. MC Pee...MC Hammer...hmmmm. *looks puzzled*

--- * ---

Turbo: Who is MC Hammer? I only know Andrea Bocelli cos i'm Itaaaalllliaan. You are damn low-class, y'know? Totally out of my league. Ugly and good-for-nothing. Unlike me, HANDSOME and SMART and solve the TOUGHEST crimes. Can't be bothered with you, gonna go call some bitches! *turns nose away from Chester and reaches for the phone*

--- * ---

Chester: HUH? WHAT BITCHES? I dunno what bitches are although i heard Mummy saying something about the bitch next door (Ms Tan i think), because she sleeps around and steals boyfriends. I sleep around too, sometimes in the room, sometimes kitchen, sometimes living room. I also steal things. Last week, i stole some ham off the dining table. I'm quite smart right? *looks very pleased with himself*

--- * ---

Turbo: Wake up your idea Chester, you are STUPID. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now piss off! Look at me! I'm SMART, HANDSOME, and i solve the TOUGHEST crimes. Look at all my trophies!

--- * ---

Chester: Eh! You're not a nice dog at all! Don't think you can bully me because you work with people in blue uniforms okay? I've never met a dog more buay pai seh (read: shameless) than you! Don't think i small you bully me okay? I don't have many trophies but Mummy said i'm smart because i know the 'fetch' command! See my yellow dumbbell!! I fetched that for Mummy!

Why you keep insulting me huh? You're just a black and white Border Collie, SO COMMON! Mum says black and white Border Collies are as common as chai tau kway (read: radish cake) or chicken rice in a hawker centre! I'm brown and white and eeuuuu-neeek (read: unique)! Some call me liver and white. Some call me chocolate and white. Stylo what!

--- * ---

Chester: And what about me being ugly huh? Everyone says i'm handsome okay?! I close eyes, stick out tongue also more HANDSOME than you lah! Neh neh nee boo boo!!!

--- * ---

Chester! We Miss You!!

Now, stay put for C is for.....(Part II)!