Issues

My God, My Tourniquet

No work today, which is shiok. It was so hard for me to return to work on Sunday after 3 continuous off-days (what a rarity), but all's good now.

I've been waking up these days, thinking i may be in the wrong profession. It's not the job, nor is it the environment or people. I think it's just the way some things are, and i'm finding it more difficult to face myself.

I reflect and question my existence from time to time. We all need to live by some basic principles. For some people, it's having their material needs fulfilled. For me, it's more than that.

I am definitely an idealist. Pragmatism isn't exactly my cup of tea.

Nat sat me down and spoke to me yesterday. Apparently, she was sent by my senior colleagues who thought i didn't look right. It was surprising, and flattering at the same time, that i have colleagues who actually give a fuck. Nat said it was pretty obvious cos i'm usually bright as a button, and i've been looking rusty and worn out these two days.

I kinda shocked her when i told her i'm thinking about not being a vet all in all. Some things really shits me and it contradicts the fact that i started out wanting to save animals.

I'm happy, yet depressed at the same time. I know what i should do. Conform, comply. "Okay lor". Liberate yourself, some say. Accept and celebrate, others say. The praxis of life.....*sigh*.

On a lighter (or rather, shakier) note, i felt the quake last night! Hell, i thought i was delirious or something. I was practically swaying from side to side when it happened! At that moment, i was like, "what the hell?!" and was frantically recalling if my drink got doped or what. Aiyah, now i know. False alarm.

What is salvation for you?