The Tempest

The Tempest

Chester's feeling it. It's coming soon - the tempest. Poor boy. Whenever it spells rain, he gets really clingy and scutters wherever i go.

I think i suffer from road rage. The journey to Hideout and back home was nicely garnished with profanities. I really shouldn't have, considering who was seated in my passenger's seat. However, it was good to have a sober Friday whatsoever. Walking the streets at 3am, totally sane, while watching the rest of the world tripping is indeed a novel feeling.

Everything is getting clearer now, what should have and what shouldn't have. So many things to say but throttled before i can even speak. So many decisions to make regarding work. Dilemmas. Conflicts.

I went through gruelling hours of surgery yesterday even though my back nearly killed me. The surgery still has to go on even if the surgeon is pained and tired. How nice would it be if i were the one sedated and unconscious, instead of the one controlling the destiny of another.

You think i walk away nonchalently if you died under my knife, but i don't. Accusations that i didn't do my best. You liar. They saw me turn but they didn't see the tears. Even as your soon-to-be necrosed body lies rigid in a black trash bag, i spend hours replaying what went wrong. Was it my own incompetence or were you really beyond salvage? My only consolation is that you may be in a better world than this, and i whisper a silent prayer when a cat purrs. When a child laughs. When a flower withers. When a star falls.

I'm happy for so many people - having a new life, finding new jobs, getting hitched, album launches (we're proud of you, rockstar!) etc. That's how i want you to be, happy.

Trivia: Where is Hoegaarden from? What about Heineken? (You bloody alcoholic! :) )