Time After Time

I was honest when they asked me why i wanted to leave my job. I can't lie, i told the interviewer the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

My answer was simple. I want to care from the bottom of my heart again. My calling was not to help animals on the basis of whether someone has enough money to pay for my service or not. I started out wanting to help, out of whatever little goodness i still have in my heart. Not much left, but still enough for me to know the profession was not suitable for me. It's tiring to keep reminding myself that i'm in a business and not in a charity organisation.

Damn stupid (referring to yours truly of course), a lot of people say.

But i've always been a stubborn person. Too idealistic i suppose. I want to do things for the right reasons. I don't want to do things for the sake of doing it. I don't like things half fucked. It's either all or nothing. It's either do or die. I really should change and start having the word "moderation" in my dictionary.

So many people i've met recently, people who were lovely in the past but now bitter and hurt from past experiences. Not wanting to give a shit anymore, not wanting to care. And these same people used to have so much to give, a huge capacity to love unconditionally, so selfless and giving.

Time, give it time. I wonder if that's the only advice i can give.

It's kinda strange that i felt so so so so damned good inside when i spent a couple of hours at KKH performing for the children for children's day. I never get that feeling of contentment and satisfaction all these 8 months at work.

And that's the feeling i'm looking for.

Sidetrack, i'll never give up rock. Never. NEVER. NEVER EVER. It's almost blasphemous not to know Skid Row's "I Remember You" or Warrant's "Heaven". HEH. And oh yes, i've got my Dreamtheater tix for their show in London already. Now, i just need to be reaaaaally lucky to lay my hand on the Vai tix. HELP.

[x] Current listen : What You Believe In - Dreamtide