Before I Start To Decompose

I have a headache. Can't say anything more about it 'cept that it is kaninabei sibei painful. I am usually not this crass verbally, so you can imagine the intensity of the pain.

The panadols don't work, i can't sleep. Hence, i'm blabbering.

You know what? This is a mad, mad world. Or maybe it's just me that has a mad, mad life. Someone has just given birth. Someone has just passed away. Someone is getting married. Someone is getting a divorce.

You'd think it's getting easier for me after shaking hands with Death almost everyday. But NO. The way Death is sucking life out of me is probably worse than dying. I'm averaging 2 deaths in my family every year and it doesn't get easier.

I sometimes forget who has already passed away. In denial, maybe?

I still think of going to Ah Meh's house on Christmas but wait, i think she has already passed away 3 years ago, hasn't she? And you know what? I think i still haven't accepted it yet. How can you be speaking to a person one moment and the next moment, this same person is fucking dead? How can?

It's still a tradition for me to get a hazelnut logcake from Bengawan Solo every year and deep down inside, i probably still wish that somehow (though i kaninabei dunno how), i can head over to Yew Tee and celebrate Christmas with her.

Fuck this. Honestly. Pardon me while i whine.